Life Over Easy

My name is Janr Ssor and this is one of my adventures.  I call this adventure, “Life Over Easy.”  This short  story is an on-going experience.  I have stepped out of it for hours in my life but always came back to continue. Some times I did not want to continue it, as I had left it, but I had to, because there is no other way I can find; yet.

Having discovered a way to travel to many worlds, through just the power of mind and a little help from technology, I have managed to live many lifetimes while still in one physical body. One of my greatest joys is sharing what I find with people who have no opportunity to experience it on their own. you will soon understand why.

I have written many stories about my magical experiences (each so unique that they appear seen through a newborn’s eyes)  and there are many more to come. Despite all the unique fascinating dimensions of my stories there is one thing that I cannot find in this infinite world and that is the key to “life over easy.”   I have not figured out how to better re-do what you have done, at least in this world.

In my story,  “Not Kid’s Games”, we actually did so in that dimension of reality.  Even if you could do this and did choose to re-do your life,  you’d  never know if it will turn out differently as it is too complex to say it is very probable.  I have to say probable because no matter what you do in life, you are never assured of the outcome you dreamed of.   Life has a way of doing what it wants and despite your screaming, yelling and stamping your feet in frustration; you still get carried away with the tide of life’s infinite complexity.  

Using my D-Trip technology, and even the magic mushrooms of shamans,  I have stepped out of our world and into many other odd dimensions of existence; however, in all my trips, I find the same is true of the power of universal fate.  As Paul Simon wrote, “God only knows, God makes his plan. The information’s unavailable To the mortal man. We’re working our jobs Collect our pay. Believe we’re gliding down the highway When in fact we’re slip slidin’ away.” Fate is unswayable…..mostly.

One journey that comes to mind, when I think of a re-do of life is my early life.  When I was a graduate student working on my doctorate,  I was married to a bright pretty women whose vast differences from my way of thinking, added fun, humor and sunshine to my life.  I thought it was a good decision to marry her and still don’t regret it even after 30+  years of divorce.  

The question that goes through my mind many years after we got divorced is, could I have done better with that part of my life?  What if I had the insights that Paul Simon did at my age?  Paul wrote “Slip Slidin’ Away,” that I quote above, and even more insightful songs such as those in his album “Old Friends.”  I say more insightful because I cannot comprehend how a twenty year old understood the issues of a 70 year old, where I am now, 50 years later! I guess that is what his genius was and more.

But back to my story.  So what would I change if anything, especially if change does not for sure ever give you the outcome you think you desire?  I think I have learned two things. The first is to never be afraid to smell the roses but to also make sure you do not get too entranced by the heady perfume they give off.   After all, in my adventures it is the “entrancement” of the mind via hypnosis that takes us to other worlds of great adventure.  In this “real” world however, the issue for me (and many other men) is the allure of the perfume of romance created by beautiful female faces, receptive smiles, appreciative comments and hypnotic pheromones.  Not that I ever cheated on my first wife, because I did not, but because I did however allow myself to daydream about what it might be like if I had cheated.

This was one of the problems with being  good looking, successful, personable and in decent (often great)  physical shape.  I was as alluring to the women I met as they were to me.  My problem, in this situation, was that I was always a dreamer-writer and as such, each “warm” encounter could  and often did spawn a story worth writing about. Is that bad?  I am still not quite sure however, I now know that what you dream has a way of happening because it alters your thinking and the energy that flows through you!  If you read Norman Vincent Peale’s book,  “The Power Of Positive Thinking”  or his book “You Can If You Think You Can,”  you will understand what I mean.  There are dozens of others that confirm this. For example, The Rosicrucian Literature teaches you how to use this positive and organized thinking for empowerment. It is called the practical application of metaphysics.  More recently “The Secret,”  re-invented this supposedly long lost knowledge. But back to my adventure.  So all these “romantic mind trips”  that could have been stories,  undoubtedly altered my destiny.  I believe that in some way, despite my managing fidelity, this partially lead to my divorce much as infidelity might have done.  Divorce is a very unpleasant event that changes your life in a negative way forever, if your marriage was at all good. I say this because looking back on many years, I realize that a good marriage is NOT made in heaven as some say, but created, on this Earth, by two people who are guaranteed to have challenges in life and their relationship and yet through determined effort and willingness to change and grow they stay together.  

The amazing thing is that it is overcoming those challenges and staying together that creates “real love,”  that is so much better than the pheromone, hormone chemical magic that started the whole process. Why do I say this when so many people get divorced while seeking the romance of a new relationship?  It is because the magic of pheromones and hormones wears off and you are bound to then do it over and over until you get it right and stay together or give up and choose to be single.

I met a strong headed lady a few nights ago, who complained that all the men she dated were boring, after a while.  She felt that an ideal companion was one who would be creative and constantly come up with new and exciting things to do so that he would keep her from getting bored.  Intuitively, her comments seemed silly and her living as a single, as a senior, appeared to verify that.  As I thought about it more though, I kind of liked her stubborn determination to not settle for boredom. It fit her choleric personality and I do like cholerics. Even though we were politically polarized, I liked her.  I could not however escaped thinking that if she had communicated her need to one of her “prospective lovers” and lead her  potential partner by acting it out herself who knows what might have happened.  Perhaps she needed to let him know what she expected of him and did not get. If she was as exciting and positively supportive to him he might have been willing to grow and change.  Why? Because she would stimulate his learning to be more of what he was that attracted her to him initially.  Choosing a partner because we want to mold them into what we want is not what I am talking about. On the other hand, Dale Carnegie teaches that the best way to get what you want is to enthusiastically and positively share your appreciation of what you want when you get it. It is a fact that all living beings respond to praise!  If she had done that who knows how many proposals she might have considered accepting? Dale Carnegie says ” Be hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise!”  It is about as perfect a law of “living physics” as I know  of. 

 

Because of my experiences, I started dreaming about what would happen if I  got the opportunity to do it over again.  One result of this is my story of, “A Second Date” which was available in print and as an audiobook for free for a few months   from the date of this publication. In this sci-fi romance, alternative experience, Janr Ssor finds himself given a second chance but not in exactly the way you might think.  On the other hand you get to learn, to some extent, a bit of what makes this love, in my opinion, more valuable than a romance that speeds up your heart in first magical meeting.

I started to think about this concept of “life over easy,”  which to me means re-living life with the knowledge I did not have before, after many recently divorced patients came to my office.  I was amazed to see those great couples that, I knew a long time, get divorced and in my opinion really “blow it!”   What did I see, that shocked me?  I saw men divorcing still very attractive women in their  mid 40’s  because they found a younger woman who was “hot” and sexy. They were blind to what they had because, unlike Paul Simon, they could not see 50 years later!  They really chose sex and a “new” romance over their wife of years and even their children (many lost relationships with their children who lost respect for their parents).  Losing both in many cases, I saw these men grow physically old and worn out looking,  when a few years later the pain of their mistakes caught up with them.  This is not to say that divorce is not sometimes appropriate when there is mental illness or violent behavior. However, I have long learned that the real value in marriage is that it helps both people grow by learning to communicate in the “hard times.”  It is these challenges that frequently creates marital friction, that makes each person grow and the marriage become more valuable  This does not come from the good times!   I call this acquired value “true love.” It is quite different from the chemical magic of hormones and pheromones that manipulate your mind so that you can possibly get close enough to maybe learn to really love and appreciate your mate.

Would I do it over if I could?  Who can say?  You never get the outcome you want as life does its magical thing and the rivers of time sweep you along.  I have one event however that I would not change but would have liked to have had the opportunity to do it over many times. It surprised me as I had no idea how I would feel about it.  The event was that I had only a beautiful child.  

I never wanted children when I got married. Not that I did not want them, I just had no motivation to want any.  My parents had a challenging time with my sister who was mentally ill.  It did not inspire me to want children.  However, back then as a full time nerd, I was too preoccupied with education to think about the consequences of life.  As a result, when my colleagues in school and friend’s wife got pregnant and mine wanted to be. I did not give it much thought. When the event happened, and I came home with a child, I was still too busy to notice how it changed my life at first.

For one thing, It took a few years to note that a child created some distance between my wife and I. She strangely now appeared to me as a mother and not my wife-girlfriend. I changed my behavior and likely made her feel less loved and desireable. I should have understood it, but I was not Paul Simon, not even close. It was surel something I should have gotten over but was to nerdy to understand back then.  On the other hand, as soon as my daughter got past the neonatal stage and began interacting with me, my heart was hers forever; however, my altered perception of my wife meant I was losing her heart, forever.  

My new love, my daughter,  would not let go of my hand or stop smiling when she saw my face. The toothless grin was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen in my life!  No dog with a wagging tale, enthusiasm and wet tongue can truly come close. Every day when I came home from work, I watched for the new magical gifts. There always was something to find as something new had happened in her head,  making her communication and movement skills grow. I could not wait to see what the new surprise would be. I bought all sorts of little simple toys to hang on her crib and playpen (as she could not yet sit) to see how she reacted and if I could make her smile.   One day we found this great clown toy that hung suspended on strings across the top of her playpen.  She lay on her back gazing at it as she could barely roll over. The clown had two big yellow rings for feet that hung down just above my daughter.  I would take her hand and place it on a ring so she could jiggle it and see the clown move.  Little children grab on to anything that you put in their hands. She would hold reflexly and smile at the clown and her hand.  When her hand fell off, I would put it back on.  A few days later I noticed that her hands and arms were more raised in a posture that suggested reaching for the clown.  Days later it was clear she was trying.  One night,  a few weeks after the clowns installation,  as I watched her cute little face smiling at me and the clown.  Her swinging arms caught the clowns ring and her tiny fingers closed around this ultimate achievement in long awaited joy. Something new was born, just as magnificent as her smile!  It was the very first time I had ever heard her laugh!  It was something she herself had, to my observation, never yet experienced. The Joy of achievement and growth!  From that day forward she has never stopped working on growth, the joy that it offers and the opportunity to help others see this too. She is a life coach and much more 41 years later.

It was way back then and there that my heart told my head to listen to it for once!  My heart told my head to pay attention to things I could not logically understand!  It said, “if it was up to you, we would have a drab life full of great ideas and little joy!”  It reminded me of my passion for music,  it reminded me of my joy in hiking through the Everglades of Florida and being part of a life experience of sights, sounds, and scents  never found in books. It reminded me of the depth of the sea I had experienced snorkeling in the atlantic ocean.  But it reminded me of how it all paled by comparison to the opportunity  of being a parent and creating the most magical art form ever, a new life form, like yourself but with a great chance of being far better!  

I recall then I looking at my daughter’s joyful eyes and imagining how much fun I would have sharing the wonders of the world with her and hearing her laugh over and over again!  Life had a new depth, a new dimension and new destination, I had never imagined.  If only I had had several children!

Next lifetime, perhaps in a “Life Over Easy,”  but a long time away I hope,  so I can still enjoy this one with her for many years to come.

Janr

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